Should you believe in a soulmate?

The Catholic Perspective helps us figure it out.

Is There Really Such a Thing as a Soulmate?

I’ve been happily married — for the most part 😉 — for 35 years. Recently, someone asked me a question that made me pause: Is there such a thing as a soulmate?

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it felt like the perfect question to ponder.

Here’s what I know for sure: I am married to the man with whom I am meant to be married. We’ve shared great joy and deep sorrow. We’ve argued, laughed, cried, and prayed together. We’ve buried loved ones, raised five children, and walked them through their sacraments. Life has been full — messy, challenging, joyful, and beautiful.

And through it all, I truly believe my husband and I are helping each other get to heaven. That’s the goal. The ultimate one. So…does that make him my soulmate?

Rethinking the Soulmate Question

Traditionally, when someone is seeking a soulmate, the soulmate is described as someone with whom we share an exceptionally deep — almost mystical — connection. A bond that seems destined. Complete.

But that idea comes with baggage.

Relationship experts warn that believing there is one perfect person can create unrealistic expectations. When love is expected to be easy because it’s “meant to be,” normal struggles can feel like failure instead of growth.

And when we look at love through a Catholic lens, the idea of soulmates shifts even more.

Free Will, Covenant, and Love

God gives us free will — not as a limitation of His power, but as an expression of His love. He sees all things, yet He does not coerce our hearts. He invites. He calls. He allows us to choose. Our choices are real and meaningful. This is true not only in matters of faith, but also in how we love one another.

And Jesus Christ made the ultimate choice of love for us, His ultimate sacrifice. He died on the cross for us.

Scripture does not present love as fate or magic, but as covenant. Love is something we do. A daily act of sacrifice, forgiveness, and grace. Like Jesus Christ’s love for us, it is chosen again and again.

For us, lasting love is not found fully formed. It is built — slowly, imperfectly, faithfully.

Beyond Romantic Labels

Every human heart carries a God-sized longing. When we try to fill that space with another person, we place an impossible burden on them. No one can be our savior, our source of identity, or our ultimate fulfillment.

But when God comes first, love is freed.

Two people no longer cling to each other out of fear or need, but walk side by side — rooted in something greater than themselves. In that sense, a soulmate is not someone who completes you, but someone who walks with you as God completes you both.

A Brief Word About Valentine’s Day

Most people today associate Valentine’s Day with romantic love, cards, and chocolates — but that’s a much later development of centuries-old traditions.

The historical St. Valentine was a Christian martyr from the third century. Stories say he signed the first Valentine with “From your Valentine” to someone dear to him — the jailer’s daughter whose sight he healed.

His association with romantic love emerged more than a millennium later, shaped by medieval poets and then evolved into the romantic celebration we know today.

This reminds us that the idea of romantic destiny is historic and poetic, not necessarily literal.

So, Is There Such a Thing as a Soulmate and Is My Husband Mine?

After much reflection, I believe the answer is yes to both parts of that question — but not because of destiny or perfection.

To me, a soulmate is:

• Someone with whom you share deep emotional and spiritual growth

• Someone you freely choose, again and again

• Someone who helps you become holier

• Someone you love through prayer, patience, forgiveness, and grace

  
  

A soulmate is not “the only one” written in the stars. A soulmate is the one you commit to loving in truth.

This Valentine’s Day

Let the celebration be about more than romance. Let it honor choice over fantasy. Covenant over convenience. Faith over feelings.

And let love — not as something we fall into — be something we build, together, with God at the center.